Get Back Together Forever

Today I’ve published my review of T.W. Jackson’s “The Magic of Making Up”.

There are so many “reviews” of this book on the internet which are just thinly disguised plugs to click through to the sales page, that I just had to write my own independent review.

My intention was not to make it seem like a magical solution to any complicated relationship problem because any solution needs serious input from the people involved, especially the person seeking to restore the relationship.

Instead, I’ve simply aimed at writing an honest review which you’re welcome to read by clicking through to the review page.

Philip Gegan

I’m starting to write a review of this book, by T.W. Jackson. I haven’t actually come across many reviews of it on the internet, and those I have seen haven’t been particularly in depth, rather a thinly veiled pre-sales page.

There are actually several nuggets of wisdom on the human psyche to be found. A kind of concentrated graduate course, but written in plain English.

It should be published on this blog later this week.

Philip Gegan

Why have I put this in quotes? Simple. There’s such a lot being written at present about “how to win an ex back“, “how to get a girl back“, “how to win a guy back” and every possible combination of terms. And much of this “advice” is coming from people who really have no idea of how to actually go about something as delicate and emotionally charged as this.

You can often distinguish between this phoney advice, from someone whose only interest in the subject is to make as many sales of one of the various ebooks available online as they can, and someone who genuinely wants to help you.

The phoney advice is nearly always generic, i.e. is dispensed as if everyone were the same and would react in exactly the same way to any given set of circumstances. For example, several sites I’ve visited recently advise anyone who has recently been “dumped” (what a horrible term!) by their partner to make no attempt to contact them for several days at least in order to “give them space”.

This may be good advice in many cases, but it cannot in every case, and possibly not in your own. It all depends on so many variables – what kind of person your ex is, what kind of person you are, what kind of relationship you had, where each of you live, whether you work together, and a host of other things.

The trouble is that we are all human, and we all have our individual idiosyncrasies. Thank goodness we do, for that makes us truly human, and without it life would be intolerable. But it means that a course of action on your part to start the process of restoring the relationship might work for one kind of person but not for another.

Remember that when you read someone else’s take on what you should do if your lover has left you, they may be only interested in funnelling you through to the sales page of the ebook they are selling. That itself doesn’t necessarily render their advice of no value, but also bear in mind that much of what you read will be generic advice, good on the face of it but which may be quite inappropriate to your own broken relationship or the emotional make-up of your ex.

Only you can be the judge of that.

Philip Gegan

Getting back with an ex is something that most people misjudge. They either think it is ridiculously easy, or they go to the other extreme and think it is nearly impossible.

The truth is somewhere in between. It depends on the circumstances surrounding your split and on the kind of relationship you and your ex had. By finding this article you have shown yourself that you believe your mission is possible, but that you need some help in achieving it. Congratulations. That is exactly the right mind set for your task. But you also need the three “C’s”, and here they are.

1. Common Sense.

Be realistic. Don’t just try and get your ex back to prove it can be done. You have to have a reason. You have to not only still love them enough to want to spend the rest of your life with them, but also to believe that it would benefit both of you to be back together. So, for example, if there has been any bullying or abuse in the relationship then you have to accept that you are both better off apart.

2. Courage.

Immediately after the split you may feel your situation is hopeless. This is quite natural, especially if harsh words were said. Don’t feel sorry for yourself or seek to apportion blame. And don’t try to “get back” at your ex, or go to the other extreme of pleading with them to be taken back.

Instead, let your ex know through your behaviour that you are man or woman enough to accept what has happened and to shoulder your share of the blame (even if you consider yourself not to blame for the split – it may be that your ex sees things otherwise).

If you have mutual friends then let them know you still love your ex but that you intend to give them enough space to hopefully reconsider their actions, and in the meantime to become a better person yourself, more like the person they fell in love with in the first place.

If you’re brave enough to face what has happened without breaking down or acting in a desperate manner then that will get back to your ex, who should be impressed.

3. Clarity of Purpose.

This is something that is often lacking in someone trying to get their ex back. So ask yourself some questions. Why do you want your ex back? What action on your part would make the best positive impression on them? How do you see your rekindled relationship developing after the reconciliation?

Plan ahead. Are there any events coming up that may give you an opportunity to be with them? How can they best be made aware of your ongoing concern for their well being? What mutual interests do you have that would justify the occasional contact?

How can you ensure they receive as much positive information about you as possible, including your program for self-improvement? Put yourself in their shoes and consider things from their point of view. If you really love them everything else will then fall into place.

This is the best way to get your ex back. By keeping the flame of hope alive you will soon be well placed to make a more direct move, and the idea of getting back with an ex will no longer seem remote.

Finally, don’t forget to download your free Guide, “3 Letter Templates That Work Like A Charm To Get Your Ex To Agree To A Date” from http://www.getbacktogetherforever.com

Philip Gegan

This may be a lesson in how to get a girl back that anyone could learn. For four years the World’s No. 2 tennis player, Britain’s Andy Murray, dated his girlfriend, Kim Sears, and they even bought a mansion together in Surrey, close to London.

During this time Andy fought his way up through the world tennis rankings, and suffered many setbacks along the way. But all the while his girlfriend was there by his side and giving immeasurable support.

Then in 2009 they split up and Kim moved out of their mansion. Andy carried on with his high-flying tennis career, travelling all over the world, including to Australia, where he made the final of a Grand Slam tournament for the first time (even if he did lose – to Roger Federer, arguably the best tennis player of all time).

But it seems now Andy and Kim are “tentatively” rekindling their relationship, according to a mutual friend. Neither, it seems, had any other serious relationship during the time they were apart, so it may well be that neither can be truly happy with anyone other than each other. Money is not part of the equation.

Let’s hope that this is so, and that they get back together forever, and both become even more successful (Kim is studying English at Brighton University in England).

Philip Gegan

The problem of how to get a girlfriend back must be one that has faced men every day for thousands of years. But when you’re so immersed in the situation yourself, and it means so much to you, it’s difficult to think clearly. Your emotions get in the way.

Although women tend to be more ruled by their emotions than men, that’s not to say that men are not strongly influenced by their feelings in matters of love and romance. And when you have just been left by the woman you love it’s difficult to deal dispassionately with the situation.

Everything seems to be in conflict. You feel so weak and helpless, yet you know you have to summon all your reserves of strength – physical and mental – to get through the maelstrom. You want desperately to see her, to talk to her, to persuade her to come back, but you know you really have to give her space and not pester her.

And all the while you have that nagging fear that she may be seeing someone else – that she dumped you to be with him. You worry that if you leave it too long she’ll be gone for good, in the arms of a new lover.

The more you think about it the more your world seems to have ended, and the more depressed you get. Your pulse rate increases and you come out in a cold sweat. You’re off your food and you feel like you want to curl up and die.

But don’t. If you really and truly loved your girlfriend then you would do anything to get her back. That includes getting over this crisis in your life. Make a note of the date and time, because that will mark an important milestone in your life – the point when you decided to do whatever it will take to have your girlfriend back in your arms and by your side.

Only you can decide on the exact strategy, because you know her probably better than anyone else. You know how she is likely to react to any given situation. But there are a few things common to nearly all women, and you have to know what they are.

For example, don’t try to win her back by appealing to reason. In the circumstances, it may make perfect sense for her to return to you, but that counts for nothing. Most women think emotionally, especially at times of great stress such as now.

And in no circumstances try to beg her to return or play on her feelings by displaying weakness. That will only arouse contempt on her part. You may feel weak but you have to act strong as never before. Let her know, directly or indirectly through mutual friends that although you’re devastated by her departure, you intend to carry on and make what you can of your life.

You have to accept that you may not see her again for some time – perhaps a month or two. Let her know this, so she won’t have to worry about what to do if your paths cross. Don’t contact her in this time, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do your best to convey “subliminal” messages to her through your mutual friends and acquaintances. Never ask that any messages be conveyed. Just rely on people to tell her what you’re up to and what you’re saying, because that’s what is going to happen anyway.

These “messages” should include your stated intention to become a better person than you were when you were together with her, and that in doing so you will be better placed at a later date to win her back. And of course you should mean this. Examine what you did to cause her to leave you, and how you can change your behaviour or character so it will not happen again.

Read everything you can about how to win a girl back, and take the advice on board. Look at the whole saga from her point of view. Spend some time alone just thinking about this deeply. How would you change your actions and words if you could turn the clock back? Become the person she first fell in love with when you first met and were dating. But become better.

And when, inevitably, she comes to know of this, your battle will be half won already.

You can download your free Guide, “3 Letter Templates That Work Like A Charm To Get Your Ex To Agree To A Date” from http://www.getbacktogetherforever.com

Philip Gegan

How to win a girl back is one of the questions that must have been asked thousands of times a day since the dawn of time. Because every girl – and every relationship – is unique, there is no ready answer that suits everyone and all situations.

But there are three simple moves on your part that you can make in almost any situation and with any girl if you really want to win her back.

1. Give her some time and space

If your girl has just finished with you then the last thing she wants is to have to deal with a barrage of phone calls and confrontations with you – and that sort of behavior on your part is going to make her even more determined to finish with you completely.

It’s going to be hard, but you have to accept that you’re not going to see or hear much of her for a while at least. But that doesn’t mean you have to allow yourself to drop out of her life completely. Let her know that, although you’re devastated by her decision, you’ll give her space and not pester her. Say you’re sorry for any fault on your part, that you respect her decision even though you’re heartbroken, and that she’s not to worry about you because you’ll get through it.

Even write her a letter if necessary just to make sure she knows this. She’ll appreciate not having to worry about that aspect. Ask her if you can remain friends and she’ll almost certainly agree. Say you’ll be there for her if she ever needs you, and suggest that you contact her again in a month or two to see if there’s anything you can possibly do for her. That leaves the door open for you once the pain has subsided.

2. Always speak highly of her to your mutual friends

Resist any temptation to slag her off to anyone. If you do this then you’ll rightly lose any chance of winning her back. Always speak fondly of her to your friends, but never ask them to pass on any of your comments. What you say will get back to your ex girlfriend somehow or other – you can be sure of that.

When she hears from those mutual friends that you’re saying how heartbroken you are from the split but how you’re determined to get on with your life, that you’ll never meet anyone else as lovely as she is, and so on, it will break down any resistance she may have had to the idea of getting back together with you.

This works especially well if she left you for someone else and that new relationship has hit the rocks. But never ask your friends what she’s doing – you’ll find out anyway.

3. Suggest a meeting, but only when it’s right to do so

Remember you promised not to contact her for a month or two? Well, when that time is up write her a letter. Always focus on her, not yourself (this applies to your relationship as a whole, as well). Ask how she is and if there’s anything you can do for her.

Say you have some interesting news or gossip that you know she’d love to hear, and that it would be great to see her over a meal or drink, or whatever she prefers. Suggest a time and place, but leave it open for her to change either. Make sure she has your telephone number and address, so she can choose whether to ring you or write. And the news or gossip better be worth it.

Make sure your letter is hand written on good quality paper. That will let her know you mean business and don’t intend taking her for granted, whether you did previously or not.

These three moves to get your ex girl back should give you a massive advantage in what may turn out to be the most important mission you undertake in your whole life.

Finally, don’t forget to download your free Guide, “3 Letter Templates That Work Like A Charm To Get Your Ex To Agree To A Date” from http://www.getbacktogetherforever.com

Philip Gegan

 
Do you want to get your ex girl back more than anything in the world? Would you pay all your money and worldly possessions just to have her back? Would you move to the other side of the world, even to the South Pole, just to spend the rest of your life with her?

Only if you answered “yes” to all these questions can you really be sure that you love her with a love that will endure for a lifetime. And if you love her that much then there’s little that can happen to stop you getting her back before very long.

First, though, be sure that it really is love, and not some infatuation, or a desire not to have your pride hurt. Do you see your future together as one in which she is happy, in which she is to be cared for by you but without being smothered, in which the only thing that matters is that she lives a fulfilled life, and your only pleasure is in knowing that you are the one responsible for giving her such true happiness?

If this is so then you’ll feel a kind of emptiness without her. Life won’t have any meaning until she’s back. It’s not a physical yearning so much as an emotional imperative – something noble that transcends ordinary human affairs like a space shuttle flying high above a caravan site.

Does this really describe your feelings for your ex girl? If you’re still thinking “yes” then good – there’s every chance she could easily put your former relationship on the same plane, and that she will come back to you if you just get your approach right.

And to do this you have to obey these three cast iron rules.

1. Maintain your self-esteem at all times.

Not so long ago she looked up to you on account of your personality and demeanour. Whether or not the cause of your split involved a change in these things, make sure the characteristics that attracted her to you in the first place not only survive unscathed, but are even stronger.

Always put yourself in a position of strength, not weakness. That means not pleading with her to return, or pestering her through phone calls and the like. Tell her you accept the blame for what has happened (even if it wasn’t all your fault), that you’re sorry you caused her such distress, and that you’d be honoured if you could remain friends.

There’s no reason why any reasonable person – one that you’d want to spend your life with – wouldn’t graciously accept such a proposal.

2. Tell her you’ll give her some space.

It may well be that your ex girl doesn’t actually want a permanent split, even though that’s what it looks like right now. She may just want a little time on her own to think things through, especially if you have been seeing a lot of each other, or there was some specific cause for the rift.

It’s tempting to engineer occasions when you’ll be together so you can try to persuade her to return, but avoid this at all costs – it would only make matters worse. Give her the space she needs, even though you’re wanting your ex back like mad, and tell her you’ll desist from contacting her for, say, a month. This will send her estimation of you soaring. Keep to that deal, and by the end of it she’ll probably be looking forward to hearing from you again.

3. Write her a letter.

Put all this in writing in a letter. Why a letter? Because it works. Not an email or text message, but a letter hand written on good quality writing paper. And if you’re not sure how to set it out, there are templates available to help you.

Follow this advice, and keep your integrity, to get your ex girl back once she’s had time to realise you really are the one for her after all.

Philip Gegan

Are you wanting your ex back for the right reasons? Do you think the two of you can make a success of things the second time around? How would each of you cope with the break up that you’re now experiencing? How much danger is there of the same thing happening again?

These are some of the questions you should ask yourself before you commit to winning your ex back and planning how you’re going to do it. And these questions, including others you can easily think of that apply in your unique situation, will lead you to knowing for sure if wanting your ex back is a realistic wish.

So – why do you really want your ex back? Do you miss their company – the fun you had together? Of course you do, but is that the only or main reason? Or just one of thousands? Was life more comfortable when you were together? Did you enjoy all the perks of a boyfriend or girlfriend, a husband or wife, and you’re going to find it difficult to manage in all life’s complicated ways on your own?

Do financial reasons come into it at all? Were you able to enjoy things like being driven around in a nice car and foreign holidays that you wouldn’t have been able to afford on your own? Did you enjoy access to other people whose company you enjoyed and whom you won’t now be able to mix with?

Do you see what I’m getting at? It may be that some or all of these things apply to you, but that’s not the vital point. Even the most rock-solid relationships give one or both parties (usually both) material advantages – for example, one side may benefit by having a more luxurious lifestyle and more money than they would otherwise have had while the other enjoys a high standard of domestic cuisine that wouldn’t be there otherwise.

But those advantages, in spite of being mutually beneficial, aren’t what hold the relationship together. The only thing that can do that, though it sounds corny to say it, is true love. That is the ultimate question, and you shouldn’t need to think very much about that to know the answer. Do you truly love your ex, and, more importantly, do they, or did they, truly love you?

The answer to this last question is vital. You have to be totally honest with yourself. Perhaps they did at one time love you but because of something you did or your general pattern of behaviour towards them over a period of time they no longer do so. If you’re uncertain as to whether they ever really did love you then the chances of winning them back are small.

But if you’re sure your ex did love you, or even better that they still really do love you, then you can work realistically on the best tips on getting your ex back that you can find. Love has to come from both sides and it can’t be forced. You should know what made your ex love you in the first place – often it’s simply by being who you are (or were at the time you first met) – and you should work on that.

To give yourself the best chance of saving your broken relationship, download your free Guide, “3 Letter Templates That Work Like A Charm To Get Your Ex To Agree To A Date” from http://www.getbacktogetherforever.com

Philip Gegan

 
If you’re looking for tips on getting your ex back then you should tread carefully. There are thousands of places on and off the internet giving advice on this subject, but few guides are written by people who really know what they’re talking about.

Much of the “advice” is copied from one place and regurgitated on another. The content is the same, just the words are in a different order. And this leads to my first tip . . .

1. Always check the credentials of the writer.

Who is it giving you advice on what is a vitally important aspect of your life, on which your whole future may depend? How are they qualified to give advice? Have they ever been in the same situation and successfully won their ex back? Do they hold any qualifications, such as being a counsellor, that gives them the right to advise?

Before you act on any piece of advice, take a moment to check up on whoever it is giving it. How do they know what they’re saying is good advice? Unless there’s at least some sign that they’re seriously into the subject of relationships and human affairs then be very careful.

2. Don’t expect or attempt a “quick fix”.

Human beings are complex creatures, both men and women. Never mess around with someone’s emotions. If you and your loved one have split up, that is really split up as opposed to a “lovers’ tiff”, then it’s almost certain to have been caused by something substantial. And the judge of “substantial” is the person who has left.

Even if it seems trivial to you, never convey that to your ex. Always empathise with them and try to use the issue so you understand them better. Sincerely apologise, and say you accept that some time apart may be the only way ahead for both of you. Be sincere in this. Never pander to things your loved one says or wants just to try and get them back. You have to be yourself at this difficult time, more than ever, and in doing so impress your ex with your strength of character.

It’s easy to say this, but it’s true. You may have to put up with injustice, in being blamed for things that perhaps weren’t altogether your fault, and the judgement of friends and acquaintances who don’t know all the facts. Shoulder all these burdens with fortitude, and never complain to anyone. Actions speak so much louder than words and you can be sure your ex will get to hear of this and be impressed with how you are conducting yourself, rather than constantly looking for “things to do to get your ex back”.

While this sounds like taking the long way round, and may well take some time, it is a far surer way of attracting your ex back than any gimmicky stunt that will fade faster than a burnt-out firework.

3. You have to get your ex to want to return.

You can’t force your ex to come back to you, or to accept you back. The driving force that brings them back has to come from within them. You can only influence that indirectly, by your own actions.

So at all times imagine yourself as the person your ex wants to be with. Probably it’s the individual you were when they were first attracted to you, but tempered by the events of your break-up and thereby made into a better and more desirable character than before.

Finally, don’t forget to download your free Guide, “3 Letter Templates That Work Like A Charm To Get Your Ex To Agree To A Date” from http://www.getbacktogetherforever.com

Philip Gegan