How To Save A Long Distance Relationship That Is Losing Its Magic
There’s often a kind of magic about a long distance relationship, and that magic is one of two possible kinds. So the question of how to save such a relationship that is suffering depends on the kind of magic that it has.
What kind of magic has your long distance relationship? Is it the magic that you find in every successful relationship, where you would do anything and go anywhere just to be with the one you love? Where you can be completely at ease and happy just being with your loved one? Where it doesn’t matter what obstacles lie in life’s path, you know you’ll both float over them together because nothing else matters – only your love for each other? This kind of magic is there in spite of the long distance between you.
Or is it the other kind of magic you sometimes find with a long distance relationship? This is the magic that is only there because it’s a long distance relationship, and there’s little or no possibility of meeting up together in the short term. It’s the excitement and “mystery” of having a “secret” lover that your immediate circle of friends and colleagues never, or hardly ever, meet.
This is a dangerous kind of relationship to have in the long term, because at some point you’re going to have to decide whether to undergo a life-changing event to make that relationship more immediate, and delete the “long distance” aspect of it. Perhaps it will be by one of you moving location to live together in a strange town or locality, away from friends and family.
Or if your separation is temporary, even if for two or three years, for example owing to attendance at university or college in another part of the country, or abroad, then at some stage the absent party is going to return and the relationship will face a real test of how it fares when you are both together on a daily basis.
The danger lies in the old sayings of “distance lends enchantment” and “absence makes the heart grow fonder”. When you’re in a long distance relationship it’s easy to forget, or avoid, the little niggling things that your lover does that irritate you. You don’t have to put up with their annoying habits, or risk conflict as you both try to adjust to each other.
If that is what it would be like were the two of you together then the relationship is doomed and not worth saving. So you have to be sure that you and your lover will “gel” together once you are reunited.
If the magic is there in spite of the long distance nature of the relationship then you have a much stronger foundation for a firm union once you are back living together again. So what can you do if, in spite of this, your relationship is under threat, whether or not because of the long distance aspect?
Your best option is to travel the distance to be with your lover in person, even if only for a day or so. Make sure they are going to be free when you arrive, and not, for example, studying for an exam the next day, or going out of town. If you’re the man, send her some flowers ahead of your arrival. If you’re the lady, send him some small gift you know he’ll appreciate, with a note giving your time of arrival.
If travelling the distance is out of the question, use all the means at your disposal to do the next best thing, for example making contact by web cam. Only use the telephone if there is nothing better available at the time.
Whatever you do, get to the root of the problem as soon as possible. Be ready to accept that the procedures used in the past to keep your relationship healthy have failed and you need to make fresh, better arrangements. Sometimes one party can despair at the long distance between you, and may need fresh inspiration and hope. Make sure you can supply them.
Always be optimistic and positive, especially when it comes to saying goodbye for now. Focus on when you will both be together again and make sure your lover does as well. And always remind them of the magic, whatever it is, that holds your relationship together.
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Philip Gegan
